The Bush Who "Won" the Election
The Bush Who "Won" the Election
By Kelly Thompson with a little help from Doctor Seuss

Every Progressive inside the Beltway liked elections a lot,
But the Bush who lived in the White House did not.

The Bush hated elections!
The whole election idea!
Now please ask why, as the country would like to know the reason.
It could be perhaps his Rove advised him via propaganda from the right,
It could be perhaps his underwear was too tight,
But I think the most likely reason of all,
May have been that his brain was two sizes two small.

But whatever the reason,
His brain or his underwear,
He stood there on Election Eve hating the Progressives!
Staring down from Cheney’s Cave with a sour, Bushie frown,
At the kind-hearted Progressives that filled the town.
For every Progressive inside the Beltway beneath,
Was busy watching drag queens sing merrily through their teeth!

“And they’re mixing with the gays!” he snarled with a sneer.
“Tomorrow is Election Day, it’s practically here!”
Then he fumbled with his girly fingers, nervously fumbling.
The Rove told the Bush “you must find a way to stop the Progressives from voting!”

For tomorrow her knew all the Progressive women and men.
And they’d wake up bright and early and rush for the voter booth!
And then the activism! Oh the acitivism! Activism, activism, activism!
That’s the one thing he hated – activism! Activism! Activism!

And the Progressives, gay and straight, would sit down to a debate.
And they would debate! Debate, debate, debate!
They would start with gay rights, and a woman’s right to choose,
Which is something the Bush would want gays and women to loose.

And then,
They’d do something he’s like least of all!
Every Progressive in the Beltway, the gay and the straight,
Would stand close together with protest signs waving!
They would stand hand in hand and the Progressives would start chanting!

They’d chant! And they’d chant!
And they’d chant! Chant! Chant! Chant!
And the more the Rove told the Bush of the Progressive sign waving,
The more the Bush thought “I must stop this whole thing!”
“Why, I’ve never had a fair national election, until now!
I must stop the Progressives from winning!
But how?”

Then the Rove gave the Bush an idea!
A divisive idea!
The Rove gave the Bush
A divisively awful idea!

“The Religious Right knows just what to do!” the Bush laughed in his throat.
And the Bush made a quick grab for his Bible and Air National Guard coat.
And he choked and he hiccupped “What a Bushie trick!”
“With this Bible and uniform, I look just like the average hick!”

“All I need is a real man….”
The Bush looked around.
But since real men are scarce in the White House, there were none to be found.
Did that stop the old Bush?
No! The Bush simply said:
“If I can’t find a real man, I’ll use Tom DeLay instead!”
So he called Tom DeLay and took some advice on misleading,
Which was readily given because Tom DeLay was already cheating.

Then he loaded up his campaign chest,
And some self-rightious creeps,
Into the back of his Hummer,
Where all the oil tycoons blissfully sleep.

The Bush said “Bring ‘em on!”
And the Hummer started on cue
Toward the homes of the Progressives,
Who were in-line at the multi-cultural, fair election bar-b-que.

All the Progressives were talking, day-dreaming about the day,
When all the Republicans would be forced to leave the Beltway.
He arrived at the first place where Progressives aren’t political,
The First Baptist Church, because DeLay said it was critical.
He conducted a sermon based on inequality, making the church seem hypocritical.

He then snorted some coke, to prepare for the long day,
Then walked into a Sunday school room where he saw Ken Lay.
Lay had passed out brochures to all the little kids without any hitch,
To inform of how invading Iraq was good because it made he and his friends rich.
The Bush said “The kids, the opinions that they have in their minds,
“Are the first that must go, that’s why I created ‘No Child Left Behind.”

He slithered and slouched, with a smile most deceitful,
Around the whole room, where he told every kid:
“Why, if your parents vote for me, with taxes they’ll be rid!
No more crackwhores, brown immigrants and welfare moms,
No more homosexuals, social security and poor old bums!”
He then stood there watching the confusion on their faces,
Unbeknownst to him, a child was tying together his shoe-laces.

Familiar with the look that the children gave him,
For it was the same look he saw in the mirror.
Lay sensed in the room, a feeling of grim
And quickly told the children “Oh, but listen to him!”

Then Lay rolled up his sleeves and smiled with glee,
“Why if you mum and dad put Bush in,
I’ll definitely get off Scott-free!”

And the Bush grabbed his Bible and started to shove,
When he heard a loud scream, as if Michael Jackson lost his glove.
He turned around fast, and he saw a small Progressive!!!
Little Hillary Truman, who looked quite aggressive!

The Bush had been caught by this little Progressive daughter,
Who had risen from her desk to tell Bush that he is in hot water.
She stared at the Bush and said “Bush, why?
Why are you making the election go this way, WHY?”

But you know that old Bush was so dumb and nothing would click,
So DeLay burst in the room and fed him a lie, and fed it to him quick.
“Why cute little Hillary,” the puppet Bush lied,
“God wants the election to go this way, He just told me outside.
“So my Pioneers listen, and give me more money, my dear,
“They’ll fix it right up so I can live in the White House next year.”

His fib didn’t fool the child, as she turned to her Sunday school class,
Then the Bush tried to walk out, but he landed on his ass.
The kids laughed, and Hillary walked back to her seat,
As the Bush untied the tied laces and stumbled to his feet.

The last thing he said was
“I’m going to win. The election is mine.
“I have the CEO of Diebold voting machines on my side.”
With that, Bush, Lay and DeLay, left feeling fine.

And with one last wave,
He left the church in his Hummer,
He counted how much the congregation gave.

Then he did the same thing,
In other churches
And rich peoples houses,

Collecting so much money,
He could pay off all the louses.

On Election Day, it was a quarter past dawn…
All the Progressives still in headquarters,
Pondering the best spots to loiter.
The Bush packed up his Hummer,
Packed it up with CEOs, oil men and money!
And enough kickbacks to make Laura say “Oh honey!”

Three-thousand feet up! Almost to Cheney’s Cave,
He put the Hummer in park to show Rove and Cheney what others gave.
“Ha! Ha! Those Progressives!”, he was Bush-ish-ly laughing.
“They’re finding out now that their victory isn’t coming!”
“They’re just leaving headquarters! I know just what they’ll do!
“They tried to vote for Kerry, but Bush will appear times two!
“Then all the liberal whiners will cry BOO-HOO!”

“That’s a noise,” grinned the Rove,
“That I simply must hear.”
Bush, Rove, Lay and DeLay had the blackberries near,
And they did receive updates, coming in loud and clear….
But it was not the whining they expected to hear!

The Progressives were mobilizing for two-thousand and eight!
Not whining about the results, but unwilling wait!
This sound wasn’t whiney or sad,
This sound sounded like Progressives who were mad!

The Bush and friends stared down at the Beltway,
He looked as though he was going to cry!
Then he looked at his cronies,
What a shocking surprise!

Every Progressive in the country,
The religious and not,
Gathered inside the Beltway,
To show a battle would be fought!

The Bush hadn’t caused the Progressives to give-up,
They decided to fight fair and free, all the way,
Until the very next Election Day!

And the Bush, with his Hummer stuck in the snow,
Stared blankly at Rove and said “How could this be so?
“They came without money! They came without SUVS!
“They came promoting condom use to prevent STDs!”
And he thought for three minutes, but was unable to think any more.
The Rove told the Bush something he hadn’t before,
“Fighting fair and strong is what the Progressives do best,
“That is something we can’t accomplish with our war chest.”

And what happened then?
Well in the Beltway they say,
That the White House moral,
Shrunk three sizes that day.
And in a minute, his second term didn’t seem so easy,
As the thought of those fighting Progressives made him queasy.
He tried to fight fair, but it was not his style,
So he could only resort to being verbally hostile.

And he, the Bush himself said,
The only thing he could think of saying….
"Our enemies are innovative and resourceful, and so are we. They never stop thinking about new ways to harm our country and our people, and neither do we." - (Washington, D.C., August 5, 2004 – Bushisms at http://slate.msn.com/id/76886/)

- posted by CosmoChica @ 11:02 AM 1 comments

 
Technology: Friend or Foe?
Do the people of this country not read the news because they follow W's lead so closely they believe the Bible is the only news they need? If they read the news, they would know the following, which was printed today in the Christian Science Monitor (www.csmonitor.com):

• In Ohio, the state election commission has voted to allow a recount - and the Green and Libertarian parties have promised to fund it.
• In Texas, poll workers had to ship an electronic ballot box to Canada to "unfreeze" a file of votes.
• In Montana, control of the house still hangs in the balance, with a mere 2,000-vote margin now being debated and recounted.
• In Iowa, a poll supervisor had to drive hundreds of miles to find a working counting machine. Worse, the state didn't accept a federal absentee ballot for military personnel, which meant that some Iowans fighting in Iraq were not able to vote.
• And in Florida's Broward County, among other places, some voters said that when they voted for Sen. John Kerry, President Bush appeared on the screen instead. Yet charges that Mr. Bush simply couldn't have won in some areas were dispelled by media research showing that many of those who were expected to vote Democratic actually chose Bush.

The election was over a MONTH AGO. Wakey wakey - eggs and bakey!

Blind faith is the name of the game in this country. As we put blind faith in religion, we also put blind faith in technology. A healthy amount of skepticism is great in both areas to ensure progress for out great nation.

The night is short so I shall not descend into a diatribe as to why healthy skepticism for an imbecile raised by Pappy and Thyroid Mary is extremely important.

- posted by CosmoChica @ 6:26 PM 0 comments

 
It smells like someone is Putin...
But luckily, they took some Pepto and all is turning around for Ukraine.
I love a good story about grassroots democracy taking shape and recent developments in Ukraine are a great example of this. It shows that perseverance pays off - take note United States. These people have amazing resolve - they braved bitter cold, every day, all day and demanded democracy. Their Supreme Court, while being threatened by Putin and his nasty cronies, declared the election held in November to be invalid. At least their Supreme Court can get it right. Now a new election will be taking place on December 26. Now that is a day-after-Christmas sale if I've ever heard of one! You will be lucky to have the inside scoop on said election since my dear friend will be monitoring it. The man who will likely be their next president is Victor Yushchenko - no, he was not a figure skater or a gymnast. He was the opposition leader in the parliament.
More to come as I am making up for loss time....

- posted by CosmoChica @ 5:59 PM 0 comments